"It's normal", "This will pass", "It's a phase"....

I am the first person to admit that I had postpartum anxiety, so I know that it can be NO JOKE. When Paxton was struggling with sleep in the beginning, I desperately searched for a solution that would be quick and easy for both of us. I was told many times (by family members, friends, and even strangers on the internet) that his issues were normal, that they would pass eventually and to just hang in there for now. While sleep issues are ABSOLUTELY a normal thing for babies, sometimes the thought of just "hanging in there until it passes" can be extremely daunting, especially if you're suffering from PPD/PPA on top of being exhausted. At the time, it can feel like a relief to hear it's just a phase and will pass, but when!? I'm here to be Debbie Downer and let you know that sometimes it won't just pass, and it probably isn't just a phase. Babies are not born knowing how to fall asleep independently and stay asleep all night. In fact, babies do not even develop a Circadian Rhythm until 3 months old, so why do we assume that one day everything will "click" and baby will be a sleeping champ? Don't get me wrong, some parents get lucky with a baby who takes good long naps and sleeps 12 hours overnight from 3 months old, but they are the outliers.

What brought me to write this post was something I saw on a Mommy Group post, where a woman was struggling with her 5 month old constantly needing her to be holding him, wouldn't play alone, definitely wouldn't sleep alone, and Mom was at her wit's end. Another mom posted the inevitable "It's a phase! It will pass!" but added "Your baby is suffering and needs you! You have to run to him and take care of him!" Listen, I get it. babies are sweet, helpless little creatures, and we SHOULD nurture and love on them as much as possible. But no one deserves a life where they are glued to their baby's side 24/7 and running on fumes. It's not healthy, realistic, or even essential. Just like babies need independent play, sometimes they need to be taught independent sleep. Yes, your baby cries because they want you, but they literally have no other way to communicate! They could be mad, frustrated, hungry, cold, wet, or maybe they just feel like screaming!? Who knows. My point within all this rambling is that you should never feel like you're hurting your baby by letting them cry a little. Your baby will not explode if they cry for 2 minutes because they dropped a toy. If you were driving on a busy highway and your baby began to cry in the backseat, would you stop immediately in the middle of the road? Of course not. Obviously (and I feel like I shouldn't have to say this), make sure your baby isn't hurt, cold, sitting in a soiled diaper, etc, but if you know they are okay, give them at least a minute or two to figure it out on their own.

Regardless of what Mommy groups may say, you are a GREAT mom for helping your child learn to settle independently- in fact, it's the greatest gift you could ever give them!